WHAT DO I DO NEXT?

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Have you ever been in a situation:-

Where all that you knew to be certain and secure suddenly shifts and you have no bearing at all?

Where what you knew as the norm and upon which you banked your long term goals on, suddenly crumbles before your very sight?

When you suddenly realize that nothing is certain in this world but death and taxes?

That necessitates usage of all your willpower to keep a straight face and not “ring the alarm” or fall into a heap of tears?

In which you wish you could go back in time and knowing all that you know now, change and tweak a few things here and there, thus ensuring that you come out unscathed?

Where all you can do is ask yourself silently and in all honesty…”What do I do next?”

Falling apart

Well, that is exactly what I am going through right now.

The very core of who I am, or who I believed myself to be is being shaken from every angle and it is kinda terrifying to know that the social netwoks I relied on there before, especially in one key area of your life are being shattered one link at a time.

Yes, I know I am not meant to rely on one facet of life and forget the rest, but in this case, they were the perfect link to my next season in life and now due to certain terms and conditions that have been introduced recently, my network have received an unexpected blow.

Well, it has been said so many times before that in order for everything to come together, things need to fall apart first.

Well, one thing I am certain of, is that THINGS ARE FALLING APART!!!

I do not have control over certain aspects in my life, but I am glad I get to know that this is for the better.

Therefore, I hereby embrace the chaos within and around me.

Embrace yours too, it will make for some interesting chat the next time we meet.

😉

 

 

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SPIRIT OF CHAMPIONS

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It has been said once
It has been said twice
But you still don’t arise
From the stupor
That you’ve immersed
Yourself in
In your efforts to
Blend in with the rest.
Don’t you know?
You are unique
One of a kind
It’s plain to see
That you are priceless
But you’ve not acknowledged
Your worth!
Look into the mirror,
Search your soul,
Refine your principles,
Give it one more try,
Stop thinking,
That the world
Owes you something
Coz it owes you nothing!
Life won’t offer a map,
But a compass

CHALLENGES
You need to get
To your Destiny
Through the
Trials,
Temptations,
And
Triumphs!
Arise
A new dawn beckons
Devoid of misgivings
And reservations
Push hard
Against the odds
Into world’s unknown
For you are endowed with
Never ending courage!
As you face another day
Summon
The spirit of champions
That lies within
For you deserve the best!

composed by

FAITH K. MUTEGI

2009

BREAK THE CHAINS

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Break the chains,
Take those pillars down
Turn on the lights!

chains

Sitting in the dark
Is a thing in the past!
Life goes on

It may ache
It may be difficult to recover
From the blows
That life has dealt
Onto your dreams;


You wish it would all go away
But that’s not how
Life unfolds!


Broken hearts,
Spilt milk,
Broken glass,
Whose impact
Cannot be erased!


It isn’t a sign of weakness
To reach out for help
Unwrap yourself,
From the suffocating cocoon;
Unveil the splendour
That has been dormant
For way too long!


Find the sparkle,
That you once had
Let it shine forth;


The first step you take
Is the longest stride
It’s
Worth the fight!

Composed by Faith K. Mutegi

November, 2009

EMBRACE YOUR DISCOMFORT

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It never gets old. It creeps up on you every other day.

It is said to begin at conception and ends when you are 6 feet under.

Despite it all, the struggle is real.

You somehow managed to drag yourself out of bed just in time to be at your scheduled task, meeting or appointment. You sigh out loud and put your best foot forward and do what needs to be done and all is well…for a while.

Just then, someone comes along, says hello and some niceties. As you cheer up being around them, they say something that makes you clump up inside.

“By the way, you look STRESSED. What’s up?” 

Oh heavens! There are some questions that need a whole day and lots more, if one expects a conclusive answer.

Naturally, we revert to the same old response…I’m fine, no worries. Traffic jams, economy ni mbaya, politics and the ensuing shenanigans na kuhustle tu. Oh! and the weather. This automatically come up as plausible responses. Soon after you get back to your comfortable shell and life drags on bila mbbbbbrrrrrrcha.

The same cycle spins over and over and you can’t tell one day from the next, neither can you pick out a great day from the past days or months or years.

Well, that was then. 

I broke my silence just the other day and I let my loved ones know that all was not well with me. I was done going through the motions and I let it all out. I also left the city for the weekend and had a sit down with my beloved Mum. She did her part and was there for me as I spilled it all.

Soon after, my sigh of relief was freeing and I knew I wasn’t going back to my stifling cocoon again.

I was trying to eat an elephant with one large bite.

It was time to consume it, one small bite at a time. 

There are motivational videos, clips, pictures everywhere you look. Everyone looks to have it made and you keep questioning your every move with each passing second, wondering what could be wrong with you. This isn’t going to change anytime soon. That’s human nature.  Deal with it.

(PS: Your mind will never cease to give you reasons why things are not working out your way. It has a list and checks it twice.) 

 I choose to embrace my discomfort and deal with it pragmatically and with support; not alone. 

Definitely, not alone. 

LOBSTER AND STRESS

Lobsters are soft, mushy animals that live inside a rigid shell, a shell that doesn’t grow, that doesn’t expand. But if the shell doesn’t expand, then how does the lobster grow, you might wonder. Well… as the lobster grows inside its shell, it starts feeling increasingly confined by the very shell that was designed to keep it safe, comfortable. It starts feeling under pressure – literally.

In a bid to relieve the pressure and to facilitate further growth, the lobster finds itself a rock to retreat under, casts off its old, familiar, confining shell and produces a new one. 

As the lobster outgrows this new shell, it again feels pressured, retreats back under a rock, casts off its shell and produces a new one. Over a lifetime, the lobster repeats this cycle numerous times.   Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski.

“The stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable.”

It may take time for me to grow into my new “shell” but I am loving the new shift in perspective and the endless possibilities, however small, that I get to experience and embrace.

Get uncomfortable and reach out to someone close. Be willing to be vulnerable and the end result is much better than wallowing in self-pity or being stuck in a rut.

Therefore, going forward, if you see a text or a phone call or email from me; asking you to tag along with me for an event or if I ask for ideas on something (or someone) do give feedback or tag along, for I am not going forward alone.

I need you, you need me and I am here for you. So if I asked you right now;

“What’s up? Sema nisikie”

Let me know. I will pause and listen, really listen. I promise.

We will look for and  find a “rock” to retreat under, cast off our old, familiar, confining shell and produce a new, spacious one. 

#letstalk

FALLEN OUT OF LOVE!

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I woke up a few days ago with a dark cloud hanging over me. Ironically the very thing that I wasn’t happy about was once the apple of my eye. It was what made me feel as snug as a bug in a rug. 😉

However, this very thing I once loved was choking the living daylights out of me with every breathe I took. I was petrified that I had to get up and show up to the very thing that I had fallen out of love with.

overthinking BIRD.jpeg

I escaped that dark cloud for a week and a half and I had the best times ever, despite having to wake up earlier than I normally do and working more than usual. I would get to bed gratefully tired and looking forward to the next day. I was excited and on my A-game.

Fast forward to this week and I am back to the not so efficient me coz I am back to the very environment that has gradually snuffed my joy over the past few months. The same questions, the same conversations, the same….the same…etc.

AROUND IN CIRCLES.jpgI wonder what happened to the spark and excitement I once had . I remember I would look forward to being present and on time and engaged in what lay before me. Then, ghafla bin fu…the magic was lost.

An enterprise that was meant to help others has turned into “something” that ensnares you in a “scratch my back, I scratch yours” institution. Its really frustrating having to seek out ways to help out that are not agreeable to those around you due to well established “ground rules”.

Well, I guess this has gone on too long. Its time to break the cycle.

courage stories.jpg

Its about time.

 

ONE DAY OR DAY ONE!

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ONE DAY OR DAY ONE

One fine day, a while ago, I asked for challenges from my friends and this is what they sent back. 😉

  1. Make an avocado rose
  2. Go bungee jumping
  3. White water rafting
  4. Start a counselling mentorship program
  5. Do 10 press ups and skip rope for 30 minutes daily
  6. Dye my hair(whole head and not brown or black)
  7. Make 10 lapel flower pieces
  8. Climb Mt. Longonot & walk around the rim at the top
  9. Plant 33 trees  ( 3 Trees planted so far…30 more to go.)
  10. Start a crafts school for young ones (Boundless Joy Craft Club)
  11. Do aerobics for 2 weeks
  12. Prepare a fancy 3 course dinner for @ least 15 people
  13. Go on a holiday alone for at least two days at a nice hotel or resort
  14. Learn to play a music instrument
  15. Do a major random act of kindness to a stranger ( can’t give money)
  16. Do something you are really scared of
  17. Approach and ask a guy I have a crush on out on a date
  18. Take driving classes
  19. Go dancing all night on my birthday
  20. Make suggested book art
  21. Take a vacation in Kisumu and prepare fish the “Kisumu” way
  22. Perfect my swimming skills
  23. Wear knee length dresses and skirts plus 3 inch heels/ wedges for a month
  24. Bake birthday cake for Kate’s baby girl by April 5th 2017
  25. Draw a portrait of Kate’s daughter as she is at 4 months (to be shared soon)
  26. Start a blog and share my daily reflections  (faithmutegi.wordpress.com) 😉
  27. Wear lipstick and other makeup of my choice and send a selfie to the group
  28. Climb Mt. Kenya
  29. Sing/Karaoke Adele’s “Hello”
  30. Read a novel each month
  31. Participate in a marathon/walk (whichever comes first) (Standard Chartered Marathon; Family Fun Run;October, 2016)
  32. Learn to play chess
  33. BE AWESOME.

I am done with the comfort zone. Its been way too long and I can’t wait to get past the foggy/dormant state I have been. There has got to be more to life than just showing up and crunching numbers to survive the next month or so.

Having tried to do this all by myself, its time to head out to whatever corner, mountain or valley this next phase of my life takes me.

You are welcome to join me as I share my thoughts and experiences as I dare my comfortable, safe self to endless possibilities and most especially getting past the initial thrill of achievement and actually sticking to the very end.

Well, enough said…for now.

All the best as you cross off stuff from your…

to-do-list,

bucket list,

grocery/shopping list

wish lists

etc.

HAPPY NEW MONTH!