This Is It!

Aside

There comes a time when enough is enough.

Today is that day.

I am done.

I am done hiding.

I am done being an escapist.

I am done second guesssing myself.

I am done limiting myself.

I am done with being good at just one thing.

I am done with just trying and not striving to excel.

 

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Well, time is precious and its time to write my story.

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In the past 2 weeks, I have received news of loss that has befallen some of my closest friends and it hurts. Its painful, its confusing, its numbing, its baffling, its a conundrum to say the least.

What is one to do when loss and grief engulfs those around you?

How do we get past the internal turmoil and piercing pain that isn’t going anywhere anytime soon?

My answer?

Life’s short. Spend it well.

Break free from the constraints that hold you back and do what you’ve got to do. 

I continually ask myself, if today was it, what would they remember me for?

What I was insecure about or what I did despite life’s curveballs?

Well, I am leaving my mark and I am going to do it with fierce intention. 

See you out there. 

 

HIS WORK IN ME AIN’T THROUGH

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“Unfinished” by Mandisa

Not scared to say it, I used to be the one
Preaching it to you, that you could overcome
I still believe it, but it ain’t easy
‘Cause that world I painted, where things just all work out
It started changing and I started having doubts
And it got me so down

But I picked myself back up
And I started telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
He’s still working on me

unfinished
He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

I know His history and the kind of God He is
He might make it a mystery
But He’s proving I can trust in Him
And yeah, I believe it

So I can pick myself back up
And keep on telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
No, my God’s not done

He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
(Yeah)
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through

Still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
He’s still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me

He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
(I’m just unfinished)
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

Still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
He’s still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
Oh, yeah
I’m just unfinished.

I have just listened to this song for the first time today, and I am in the right mental space to acknowledge that truly, I am unfinished.
Yesterday on my way home late in the night, I kept asking myself …”What next?” My options seemed to have come to naught. Then it hit me. Availability or scarcity of resources mean nothing until you step up to the plate, set your eyes on a target and play, dance, teach, love, seek like you have nothing to lose.
It isn’t about what others think of you. Its all about how you relate with yourself. I guess the simple truths in life have become cliche to the point that we have become immune.
I am going back to the basics. He is not finished with me. As He works on me, I will work for Him.
PS: Today was DAY TWO at the gym. Yay! (though my left arm hurts like I just got ran over 😦
So I pick myself back up
And keep on telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
No, my God’s not done.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

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We all crave power in our lives. We thrive when we know we are in charge of something important. The lure to obtain power springs forth from childhood when you know you have something that someone else wants or doesn’t have. It pursues us all through our lives whether we want it or not. It’s said that if you want to know a man’s character, give him power.

Power is a double edged sword. It builds and destroys all in one blow. There are no limits to what power can do and can’t do. It can wipe you out with a sickening blow and you don’t see it coming.

If there is something I have painfully learnt this year is that getting a group of people to operate from the same page will break and build you then break and build you over and over again. The battle scars you bear are worn proudly or with great pain.

There are many reasons as to why people don’t get along.It may be that from the very first day you met, you knew that they are to be avoided for everyone’s peace of mind; then fate cheekily throws you in the same frying pan for an extended period of time. It may be that you are all in different seasons of your life and what you have to do together just doesn’t click with their current mood.

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It may be that it being your first experience as a leader, overwhelmed you beyond your coping capabilities therefore you may go down in history as leader whose style of leadership was wanting. It could be that your entire year has been marked with major upsets that have rocked every single sphere of your feeble but resilient existence. It could be that you are very comfortable being a wall flower and only showing up when really necessary then disappear into the shadows.

However, life deals you its fair share of surprises and you have to be visible at all times. That’s deals quite a blow to one’s coping mechanisms and having an individual who doesn’t attempt to get along with you even in the slightest, can continually chip at your armour leaving you bleeding internally, but with the brightest of smiles on your face.

Oh be careful what you wish for, but even as you wish upon a star pray for wisdom to handle whatever situation crops up with each new dawn. Proudly wear your battle scars, revive your armour and let not one dull your shine.