ITS TRUE…I THINK ABOUT MORE THAN I FORGET.

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Lil Wayne captures my sentiments to a T when he rap-(idly sings)…“I think about more than I forget…’’ It is hoped that these very thoughts will be a guiding light at the end of the tunnel that won’t turn out to be a bullet train charging toward me. A myriad of thoughts pervade my mind so deeply that others have to cut corners in the race to my subconscious. Though once they make their presence felt they instantly get their free ride ticket back to the dark abyss they emerged from.

The winding road upon which my shadow falls offers no map. Each day is a knotty conundrum that eclipses the dilemma as to how the pyramids were built. Glimpses of hope pierce through the blanket of darkness that seems to enclose my very being. Life’s compass points me East but I go West like Kanye. Trying to make sense of every facet life has to offer is more painstaking than the infinite search for a needle in a hay stack which may not even be there in the first place. Which lady in her right mind would sew or repair anything while sitting on a haystack…the calamity of searching for a needle in that pile isn’t comforting on any level.

Trying to understand the intricate details of our very existence is as baffling as trying to make sense of the duck-rabbit optical illusion.

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At one point you are sure you are looking at a duck, and then voila you suddenly realize that a rabbit is the object of your attention. But wait a minute…I can bet your kidneys that you are looking at a duck. It never ends…does it?! However if you have the cynical mind of a hunter…you will be like…WTH…either one will look good or taste delicious once served on the dinner table.

With the daily events that mark our every day existence, one of my main mottos is that “wonders never cease”! Take for example you spot a fine brother who would make for a “tall drink of whatever your choice of poison is”. You would expect him to easily make the cut for Step up3 dancers’ Kenyan edition…if ever… but the best he can do is ask if you’ve got “tichue” to wipe his “chues!!” Fast forward to a different scene where a geeky, bespectacled jamaa who you would not look at twice goes on and unleashes some eye-popping breaking and locking moves that words can’t describe.

While still on dance, I am sure a couple of us mere mortals try to imitate and duplicate the sensational moves that we have just witnessed on the big screen. It may be in front of the imaginary flat screen TV or the mirror. Either way with the firm belief that you can, you begin to shake what your mama gave you while dropping it low as you whip your hair…back and forth. While at it you decide why not jerk and do the shuffle…you know…unleash your own personal moves.

Knowing the true definition of pain doesn’t begin to encapsulate what will be coursing through your body. Worse still, in this day and age you have to be careful that whatever you do in your personal time does not become public fodder because someone else let their fingers do the walking…click…flash…upload photo/video. O.M.G or G.F.F won’t do you any good at such a time.

I bet by now you are baffled at what I am getting at.

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Well I gave you an advance warning….that my thoughts are anything but organized. No one knows the way life goes. When you close your eyes you may not see your names in flashing lights like Bruno Mars but I believe everyone can tie up the loose ends in their lives and come out  with a certificate of greatness.

It all starts with…a leap of faith.

FUN FACT:

This was written way back in February, 2011.

I need to inhale whatever it was I was high on at the time. 😉

IT GETS BETTER…WITH TIME

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HOPE

… is a seed planted in our hearts.
Sometimes watered by tears,
it can grow into a glorious
tomorrow.

FAITH

… is knowing that in time,
in a few tomorrows, this painful
ache will fade to become
just a memory tucked away
in your heart.

LOVE

… embraces you in comforting
arms. May our Heavenly
Father hold you & those you love
safely in His tender care.

JOY

… will soon be back in your life.
Before long this difficult time
will be behind you & your days will
be filled with cheerfulness & delight
once again.

PS. I do not take credit for this poem…I noted it down a few years back and when I came across it I knew I just had to share.

ROLL THE DICE: BREAK THE ICE

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I recently came across some interesting conversation starters and thought I’d have a go at them.

1. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? 

I would hope to have the power to help children realize their potential earlier on in their lives thus creating a much better society. It will also lessen their stress and rebellious nature as they will be focused and the older generation will not leave them out or shun them; instead they would be inclusivity in all spheres of society.

2. What is your most favourite movie?

Well, I can’t choose  just one coz I love watching movies plus there is one that suits me with every mood or place or persons around me.  I can watch the following over and over again without getting bored.

  • Avatar
  • Avatar: Legend Of Korra
  • Brave
  • Bruce Almighty
  • Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers
  • Darkwing Duck
  • Despicable Me
  • Forrest Gump
  • Frozen
  • Gargoyles
  • Ice Age
  • Inside Out
  • Inspector Gadget
  • Kung Fu Panda
  • Lion King (1, 2, And 3)
  • Madagascar
  • Matilda
  • Mulan
  • My Big Fat Greek Wedding
  • Pacific Rim
  • Penguins Of Madagascar
  • Pirates Of The Caribbean
  • Pocahontas
  • Pretty Woman
  • Ps. I Love You
  • Ratatouille
  • Rio
  • Samurai Jack
  • Sea Biscuit
  • Shrek
  • Sing
  • Sister Act
  • Sleepless On Seattle
  • Slumdog Millionaire
  • Sound Of Music
  • Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron
  • Star Wars
  • Tangled
  • The Help
  • The Incredibles
  • The Lord Of The Rings
  • The Man From U.N.C.L.E
  • The Matrix
  • The Princess And The Frog
  • The Shaw shank Redemption
  • The Smurfs
  • Transylvania
  • Turbo
  • Up
  • V For Vendetta
  • Wall-E
  • War Room
  • While You Were Sleeping
  • Zootopia
  • To be updated continually. 😉

3. If you could paint your room, what colour would it be?

I would have to go with shades of purple and grey and a dash of orange or yellow. That might be a weird combination but I bet it will work if i have them in small doses. I am sure this will change in due time as I do love sprucing up a room every now and again.

4. If you could have one dream come true, what would it be?

For now, Successful and drama free purchase of 3 to 5 acres of Land (haven’t decided where yet);

Successful construction of a 4 bedroom maisonette with space for my children and guests to relax, have a picnic, outdoor camping and fun play area in the sun and in the shade as well as ample space to raise chicken, rabbits and possibly a few goats as well as grow basic day to day vegetables and fruit trees (mangoes lazima).

5. Where would you fly if you had wings?

I would fly to Japan to see the cherry blossoms bloom as well as immerse myself in culture, that I have admired for the longest time.

I would then fly to each continent and get to experience their culture as best as I can.

6. What is your favourite family tradition?

Every time we meet as a family is always fantastic as our different personalities merge and bring out the best of times.

Meeting up during Christmas and having a lovely time over food and drinks. I especially love the fact that we have evolved into our “own” persons and that brings variety to our conversations.

7. If you could only eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

Definitely has to be chicken. I would prepare it in so many ways and still get the thrill out of it.

8. What is your favourite sport?

Athletics and football, in equal measure. I guess I love watching sports than really participating in it, which needs to change. But I do love running and cycling too

9. If you had one wish (and you can’t wish for more wishes) what would you wish for and why?

That my dad was still alive to see his children growing up and becoming the strong men and women we have become; as well as keep Mum lifelong company coz she deserves it.

10. If you could pick your own name, what would it be?

I would go with Imani,( it has a nice ring to it)  followed closely by Makena, Kendi or Gakii. All in all I do love my name as it is; especially my traditional Chuka name.

11.What is you least favourite chore?

Washing clothes definitely takes the top spot. I would rather wash utensils over and over again than wash clothes. Why, oh why did Adam and Eve eat that apple? Why?

 

Well, that’s it for today. It was fun answering these questions and I will be on the look out for more. It adds a fantastic point of view aside from the kawaida questions.

Give it a try…its worth your while. 

EMBRACE YOUR DISCOMFORT

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It never gets old. It creeps up on you every other day.

It is said to begin at conception and ends when you are 6 feet under.

Despite it all, the struggle is real.

You somehow managed to drag yourself out of bed just in time to be at your scheduled task, meeting or appointment. You sigh out loud and put your best foot forward and do what needs to be done and all is well…for a while.

Just then, someone comes along, says hello and some niceties. As you cheer up being around them, they say something that makes you clump up inside.

“By the way, you look STRESSED. What’s up?” 

Oh heavens! There are some questions that need a whole day and lots more, if one expects a conclusive answer.

Naturally, we revert to the same old response…I’m fine, no worries. Traffic jams, economy ni mbaya, politics and the ensuing shenanigans na kuhustle tu. Oh! and the weather. This automatically come up as plausible responses. Soon after you get back to your comfortable shell and life drags on bila mbbbbbrrrrrrcha.

The same cycle spins over and over and you can’t tell one day from the next, neither can you pick out a great day from the past days or months or years.

Well, that was then. 

I broke my silence just the other day and I let my loved ones know that all was not well with me. I was done going through the motions and I let it all out. I also left the city for the weekend and had a sit down with my beloved Mum. She did her part and was there for me as I spilled it all.

Soon after, my sigh of relief was freeing and I knew I wasn’t going back to my stifling cocoon again.

I was trying to eat an elephant with one large bite.

It was time to consume it, one small bite at a time. 

There are motivational videos, clips, pictures everywhere you look. Everyone looks to have it made and you keep questioning your every move with each passing second, wondering what could be wrong with you. This isn’t going to change anytime soon. That’s human nature.  Deal with it.

(PS: Your mind will never cease to give you reasons why things are not working out your way. It has a list and checks it twice.) 

 I choose to embrace my discomfort and deal with it pragmatically and with support; not alone. 

Definitely, not alone. 

LOBSTER AND STRESS

Lobsters are soft, mushy animals that live inside a rigid shell, a shell that doesn’t grow, that doesn’t expand. But if the shell doesn’t expand, then how does the lobster grow, you might wonder. Well… as the lobster grows inside its shell, it starts feeling increasingly confined by the very shell that was designed to keep it safe, comfortable. It starts feeling under pressure – literally.

In a bid to relieve the pressure and to facilitate further growth, the lobster finds itself a rock to retreat under, casts off its old, familiar, confining shell and produces a new one. 

As the lobster outgrows this new shell, it again feels pressured, retreats back under a rock, casts off its shell and produces a new one. Over a lifetime, the lobster repeats this cycle numerous times.   Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski.

“The stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable.”

It may take time for me to grow into my new “shell” but I am loving the new shift in perspective and the endless possibilities, however small, that I get to experience and embrace.

Get uncomfortable and reach out to someone close. Be willing to be vulnerable and the end result is much better than wallowing in self-pity or being stuck in a rut.

Therefore, going forward, if you see a text or a phone call or email from me; asking you to tag along with me for an event or if I ask for ideas on something (or someone) do give feedback or tag along, for I am not going forward alone.

I need you, you need me and I am here for you. So if I asked you right now;

“What’s up? Sema nisikie”

Let me know. I will pause and listen, really listen. I promise.

We will look for and  find a “rock” to retreat under, cast off our old, familiar, confining shell and produce a new, spacious one. 

#letstalk

FALLEN OUT OF LOVE!

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I woke up a few days ago with a dark cloud hanging over me. Ironically the very thing that I wasn’t happy about was once the apple of my eye. It was what made me feel as snug as a bug in a rug. 😉

However, this very thing I once loved was choking the living daylights out of me with every breathe I took. I was petrified that I had to get up and show up to the very thing that I had fallen out of love with.

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I escaped that dark cloud for a week and a half and I had the best times ever, despite having to wake up earlier than I normally do and working more than usual. I would get to bed gratefully tired and looking forward to the next day. I was excited and on my A-game.

Fast forward to this week and I am back to the not so efficient me coz I am back to the very environment that has gradually snuffed my joy over the past few months. The same questions, the same conversations, the same….the same…etc.

AROUND IN CIRCLES.jpgI wonder what happened to the spark and excitement I once had . I remember I would look forward to being present and on time and engaged in what lay before me. Then, ghafla bin fu…the magic was lost.

An enterprise that was meant to help others has turned into “something” that ensnares you in a “scratch my back, I scratch yours” institution. Its really frustrating having to seek out ways to help out that are not agreeable to those around you due to well established “ground rules”.

Well, I guess this has gone on too long. Its time to break the cycle.

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Its about time.

 

ONE DAY OR DAY ONE!

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ONE DAY OR DAY ONE

One fine day, a while ago, I asked for challenges from my friends and this is what they sent back. 😉

  1. Make an avocado rose
  2. Go bungee jumping
  3. White water rafting
  4. Start a counselling mentorship program
  5. Do 10 press ups and skip rope for 30 minutes daily
  6. Dye my hair(whole head and not brown or black)
  7. Make 10 lapel flower pieces
  8. Climb Mt. Longonot & walk around the rim at the top
  9. Plant 33 trees  ( 3 Trees planted so far…30 more to go.)
  10. Start a crafts school for young ones (Boundless Joy Craft Club)
  11. Do aerobics for 2 weeks
  12. Prepare a fancy 3 course dinner for @ least 15 people
  13. Go on a holiday alone for at least two days at a nice hotel or resort
  14. Learn to play a music instrument
  15. Do a major random act of kindness to a stranger ( can’t give money)
  16. Do something you are really scared of
  17. Approach and ask a guy I have a crush on out on a date
  18. Take driving classes
  19. Go dancing all night on my birthday
  20. Make suggested book art
  21. Take a vacation in Kisumu and prepare fish the “Kisumu” way
  22. Perfect my swimming skills
  23. Wear knee length dresses and skirts plus 3 inch heels/ wedges for a month
  24. Bake birthday cake for Kate’s baby girl by April 5th 2017
  25. Draw a portrait of Kate’s daughter as she is at 4 months (to be shared soon)
  26. Start a blog and share my daily reflections  (faithmutegi.wordpress.com) 😉
  27. Wear lipstick and other makeup of my choice and send a selfie to the group
  28. Climb Mt. Kenya
  29. Sing/Karaoke Adele’s “Hello”
  30. Read a novel each month
  31. Participate in a marathon/walk (whichever comes first) (Standard Chartered Marathon; Family Fun Run;October, 2016)
  32. Learn to play chess
  33. BE AWESOME.

I am done with the comfort zone. Its been way too long and I can’t wait to get past the foggy/dormant state I have been. There has got to be more to life than just showing up and crunching numbers to survive the next month or so.

Having tried to do this all by myself, its time to head out to whatever corner, mountain or valley this next phase of my life takes me.

You are welcome to join me as I share my thoughts and experiences as I dare my comfortable, safe self to endless possibilities and most especially getting past the initial thrill of achievement and actually sticking to the very end.

Well, enough said…for now.

All the best as you cross off stuff from your…

to-do-list,

bucket list,

grocery/shopping list

wish lists

etc.

HAPPY NEW MONTH!

 

HIS WORK IN ME AIN’T THROUGH

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“Unfinished” by Mandisa

Not scared to say it, I used to be the one
Preaching it to you, that you could overcome
I still believe it, but it ain’t easy
‘Cause that world I painted, where things just all work out
It started changing and I started having doubts
And it got me so down

But I picked myself back up
And I started telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
He’s still working on me

unfinished
He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

I know His history and the kind of God He is
He might make it a mystery
But He’s proving I can trust in Him
And yeah, I believe it

So I can pick myself back up
And keep on telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
No, my God’s not done

He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
(Yeah)
I’m just unfinished
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through

Still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
He’s still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me

He started something good and I’m gonna believe it
He started something good and He’s gonna complete it
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished
I’m just unfinished
(I’m just unfinished)
So I’ll celebrate the truth
His work in me ain’t through
I’m just unfinished

Still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
He’s still workin’
Still, still workin’ on me
Oh, yeah
I’m just unfinished.

I have just listened to this song for the first time today, and I am in the right mental space to acknowledge that truly, I am unfinished.
Yesterday on my way home late in the night, I kept asking myself …”What next?” My options seemed to have come to naught. Then it hit me. Availability or scarcity of resources mean nothing until you step up to the plate, set your eyes on a target and play, dance, teach, love, seek like you have nothing to lose.
It isn’t about what others think of you. Its all about how you relate with yourself. I guess the simple truths in life have become cliche to the point that we have become immune.
I am going back to the basics. He is not finished with me. As He works on me, I will work for Him.
PS: Today was DAY TWO at the gym. Yay! (though my left arm hurts like I just got ran over 😦
So I pick myself back up
And keep on telling me
No, my God’s not done
Making me a masterpiece
No, my God’s not done.