DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER

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I come before you crying out for help. I am lost. I am petrified at what lies before me. I am scared of the legacy I may leave if today was my very last day on earth. I am lost in thoughts of what I should have done, what I should be doing, what I need to do and leaving it all to you.

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I have made mistakes in the past. I have lived life selfishly only thinking of my very own comfort. I haven’t been the very best of friends. I have not been a good leader as I haven’t shouldered the responsibilities diligently. I have done more complaining than actual work. I have daydreamed my way through life. I have talked big and done little. I have placed myself on the highest moral pedestal I could find. I have been disorderly yet you oh Lord are a God of order. I have shied away when I should have stepped up to the plate like Queen Esther. I have labeled myself a wallflower but timidity isn’t what you placed in my DNA oh Lord when you formed me in my mother’s womb.

Lord, I am reaping what I have sown over the years and I must say, it isn’t a harvest worthy of the grace and blessings you’ve bestowed me every single day. I am not worthy to come to your presence Oh Lord by I come to you nonetheless, for you are forgiving and merciful. My heart is burdened by life’s troubles. I am weary Oh Lord. I reach out to you as my physical body resists with every single fiber. I strive to break free of the knots and chains that have wrapped my in their suffocating embrace.

You know the meditations of my heart and mind. I willingly and wholeheartedly give you all I have today and forever more. I pray and believe that despite the hazy, confused, troubled outlook life presents before me, you will lovingly steady my failing heart and awaken my mind to your purpose and will.

Amen.

AIN’T IT FUNNY!

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I was on my way to work today when I spotted a mini-bus that had stalled along the Thika Superhighway. I don’t know why I thought of it much today as it is a daily occurrence especially when it rains.

But I thought to myself..we truly do wear facades with each passing moment. If there was a way to replay someone’s experiences from when they woke up to the time they smile at you when you meet along the office corridors; sema drama!

I bet it would be full of hilarious and shocking stuff, from gas kuisha as you fry that egg, ama maji imelost, yet again…when you could kill for a hot shower! Or the guy who sat next to you smelt soooo good that it pained you…slightly..when he had to alight at an earlier stage than you. And the world not being fair to you the very next day, when you are forced to hold your breath throughout the eternity that the morning jam presents, sitting next to a being who seems to be testing a theory on how long he can go without bathing!

A thought crossed my mind just the other day. What if you were randomly paired with 5 other individuals you bumped into along the crazy streets of Nairobi? Would you have anything in common aside from tales of traffic jam, high cost of living, how hot its been lately or the suffocating corruption sideshows that characterize almost every Kenyan conversation?

Ain’t it funny that no day goes by without us saying at least one or two of these phrases:-

  • Well lakini si thats life?
  • Politicians are and will always be the same.
  • This is Kenya…it happens…ni kawaida tu! Kenya iko na wenyewe!
  • Men are ….!!!!
  • Haujui wanawake?? Women are the best of friends and the worst of enemies.
  • Mimi sijui kwanini boss ananionea?
  • Am broke. Si unisort kiasi bro?
  • Imagine I can’t believe he could do that to me. Yeeni who does he think he is?
  • If only I could have this much….  kila kitu itakuwa shwari…etc

Ain’t it funny that we keep saying the same things, over and over again,and wonder why we always find ourselves in the same murky situation, month after month?

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We need to get angry at something if not everything, for we can’t keep reading the same script over and over again, whether its in our personal or national issues.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

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fear

Your fear is boring.


I can say this with all honesty and authority because I know for a fact that my fear is the most boring thing about me. This is especially true when living a life of creativity. Fear is boring because fear only ever has one thing to say, and that thing is; “STOP!” – Elizabeth Gilbert.


Hey, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

How do you eat a whale?

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There is nothing worse than a false sense of security in life. It clouds one’s judgment and sucks the life out of one’s very existence with each passing minute.

It saddens and crushes the soul to the extent of not wanting to think no more and leads one to seek a way to numb the torturous despair that engulfs their very being.

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But it not all gloom and doom as your myriad of thoughts would like you to believe.

Despite the fact that the money in your possession right now seems like the definitive mark between you and poverty or nothing seems to go your way, no matter how many lists you write and re-write or how often you re-organize your daily routines to maximize healthy habits; the very fact that you are trying to make sense of all that surrounds you calls for celebration.

The fight never ends until you give in. Never, ever give in. Never ever give up. Do everything in your power to reach out, and make it work. it sounds cliche, but the truth is out there for you to see. You have heard it over and over again, but it never seems to pierce through the hazy fog that holds your mind hostage. Here it is again, the simple truth in different phrases that all mean the same thing.

JUST DO IT!

START TODAY!

DO SOMETHING!

BEGIN TODAY!

The poem below  sums it all up.melinda-mae

Identify your whale today, and eat it, one bite at a time. Bon Appetit!

 

LOCUST ON MY DESK

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I bet you know you are kinda weird right? Well, I admitted that to myself quite a while backand I am fine with it thus far. Just say I read the signs and interpreted the writing on the wall. I guess the world agrees with me coz as I write this, there is a locust on my desk and I don’t know whether I should be worried or just laugh out as long as my ribs can hold on.

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Worried coz I have no idea if its twitching feelers are sending “sonar” signals to the rest of the swarm and yet there is nothing green on my desk as well as in my purse considering that this is indeed “Njaanuary”. I guess I will let it chill out here with me. There is no need for me to increase its stress levels. Life is hard enough as it is and I am not ready to  shoulder the trauma of releasing it through the office window only for a bird to grab and make a meal out of it before my unbelieving eyes. I do not approve of the sequence of events my mind just conjured up, therefore, I opt out of it entirely.

However, I do feel guilty since my mother taught me better than this. It is common courtesy that if you have guests over, you welcome them with a snack and/or drink. Now, if only there were flowers on my desk, it would be free to nibble on them and I wouldn’t mind. Wait a minute, I would mind but in all fairness a half eaten petal is better than witnessing the aforementioned scenario.

Hold your horses! ( if you have any…if not….hold your thoughts!)
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It just occured to me that I could extend the invitation to a day like today, next month. The day a chubby man-child supposedly hovers around shooting arrows at all and sundry leaving them in a state of hopeless love struckedness. (pardon my grammar…the locust ate up my Dictionary). There will be plenty of bouquets ( one can hope) and my duties as a hostess will be accomplished.

Well, only time will tell. Let’s both take a chill pill and see what the rest of the day brings our way.

I do know one thing for sure; it truly is weird that I have taken minutes of my life…that I shall never recover…to write about an insect on my desk. For now though, let me remind myself of the parts of an insect as I keep mum about the day we roasted grasshoppers as kids way back when.

Oh dear, its feleers just twitched.

PS: If you spot a swarm of locuts, do give me the heads up!!

Webbed Conundrums