Never Too Far Gone

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I am writing this down, that I may one day look back and realize that I was never too far gone.

There are times when life seems to toy with you in the most inhumane way with a smirk on its face.

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I accept responsibility for the roles I played, whether active or silent, that have led me to this very place thats got me viewing the world with not so rosy coloured glasses.

Don’t worry your life away.

Don’t let the trouble win.

That’s my battlecry this week.

You are enough.

 

This Is It!

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There comes a time when enough is enough.

Today is that day.

I am done.

I am done hiding.

I am done being an escapist.

I am done second guesssing myself.

I am done limiting myself.

I am done with being good at just one thing.

I am done with just trying and not striving to excel.

 

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Well, time is precious and its time to write my story.

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In the past 2 weeks, I have received news of loss that has befallen some of my closest friends and it hurts. Its painful, its confusing, its numbing, its baffling, its a conundrum to say the least.

What is one to do when loss and grief engulfs those around you?

How do we get past the internal turmoil and piercing pain that isn’t going anywhere anytime soon?

My answer?

Life’s short. Spend it well.

Break free from the constraints that hold you back and do what you’ve got to do. 

I continually ask myself, if today was it, what would they remember me for?

What I was insecure about or what I did despite life’s curveballs?

Well, I am leaving my mark and I am going to do it with fierce intention. 

See you out there. 

 

THROWING DARTS…AND HOPING ONE STICKS

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Oh dear. Where do I begin? Is any one in possession of a time machine? If only we had selfies and screenshots way back when, it would be easier to explain.

The question every kid was asked by all and sundry was, ” What do you want to be when you grow up? The answers would vary from the coolest thing you had just seen someone on telly or in your family do a few days ago or in the past few minutes.

There are some who have stuck true to their declarations, but for most of us, we switched alliances faster than the current political trend.

I have danced the tango with various career options only to fall on the wayside, spent and without a clue what hit me.

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Once upon a time, I was so sure I would be a zoologist after I saw a documentary on how intelligent and playful dolphins are. Secondly, came my desire to be a botanist as I saw the beauty and wonder of flora captured perfectly through a time-lapse camera.

Fast forward to high school and the Interior design bug bit me and I remember telling others about it and I had to explain why I wasn’t pursuing law like my late father or teaching like my beloved Mum. Well, that was then, and I was so sure of myself, or so I thought.

Life after high school was a different ball game altogether, with the cool and necessary Computer course being the first thing on my list. Once I was done and I had my certificate in hand, hata sijui niseme. I had no idea what to do next. I remember staying home just doing the household chores and not knowing what my future held in store.

Well, I won’t get into all the details but, the long and short of it is that I was guided into my life purpose albeit with some battlescars here and there. The main turning point in my life was when I found my voice, quite literally.

I was a very quiet child. I swear. I truly was. Ask my immediate family and childhood neighbours. My daily word count are not nearly an eighth of what I clock in by midday on a good day.

Then someone tried to frame young naive me, in a scam and when I got questioned for hours and having to travel from Nairobi to Nyeri, at night which was like the craziest thing  I could do (yes…crazy, coz way back when, as a young girl you were warned/ instructed to travel during the day. Nightime had its owners plus mobile phones were still a rumour.)

 That was the day I found my voice and there was no turning back.

To be continued

 

WHAT DO I DO NEXT?

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Have you ever been in a situation:-

Where all that you knew to be certain and secure suddenly shifts and you have no bearing at all?

Where what you knew as the norm and upon which you banked your long term goals on, suddenly crumbles before your very sight?

When you suddenly realize that nothing is certain in this world but death and taxes?

That necessitates usage of all your willpower to keep a straight face and not “ring the alarm” or fall into a heap of tears?

In which you wish you could go back in time and knowing all that you know now, change and tweak a few things here and there, thus ensuring that you come out unscathed?

Where all you can do is ask yourself silently and in all honesty…”What do I do next?”

Falling apart

Well, that is exactly what I am going through right now.

The very core of who I am, or who I believed myself to be is being shaken from every angle and it is kinda terrifying to know that the social netwoks I relied on there before, especially in one key area of your life are being shattered one link at a time.

Yes, I know I am not meant to rely on one facet of life and forget the rest, but in this case, they were the perfect link to my next season in life and now due to certain terms and conditions that have been introduced recently, my network have received an unexpected blow.

Well, it has been said so many times before that in order for everything to come together, things need to fall apart first.

Well, one thing I am certain of, is that THINGS ARE FALLING APART!!!

I do not have control over certain aspects in my life, but I am glad I get to know that this is for the better.

Therefore, I hereby embrace the chaos within and around me.

Embrace yours too, it will make for some interesting chat the next time we meet.

😉