I woke up a few days ago with a dark cloud hanging over me. Ironically the very thing that I wasn’t happy about was once the apple of my eye. It was what made me feel as snug as a bug in a rug. 😉
However, this very thing I once loved was choking the living daylights out of me with every breathe I took. I was petrified that I had to get up and show up to the very thing that I had fallen out of love with.
I escaped that dark cloud for a week and a half and I had the best times ever, despite having to wake up earlier than I normally do and working more than usual. I would get to bed gratefully tired and looking forward to the next day. I was excited and on my A-game.
Fast forward to this week and I am back to the not so efficient me coz I am back to the very environment that has gradually snuffed my joy over the past few months. The same questions, the same conversations, the same….the same…etc.
I wonder what happened to the spark and excitement I once had . I remember I would look forward to being present and on time and engaged in what lay before me. Then, ghafla bin fu…the magic was lost.
An enterprise that was meant to help others has turned into “something” that ensnares you in a “scratch my back, I scratch yours” institution. Its really frustrating having to seek out ways to help out that are not agreeable to those around you due to well established “ground rules”.
Well, I guess this has gone on too long. Its time to break the cycle.
Its about time.