I seem to have missed the class on how to bargain. It bothers me that other people seem to effortlessly bargain their way through any purchase. Is there a certain look that one gives the seller that leads to the price reducing significantly? Do I have that look? If not, why do I get that look, considering anything is up for sale these days?



Are you meant to consume a certain “bargain enhancing” meal before you set out to purchase stuff? Send me the link ASAP. I am a willing guinea pig.

“Kuona ni bure…kuona ni bure! Karibu, siste! Leo tuko na vitu nzuri. Kuona ni bure!” No sooner do you look their way or decide to touch any of the items on sale…Hook, line and sinker! Now, this is where I try to establish the price even before i touch or try out anything. The seller always smiles or maintains a serious face, so I tread along carefully. I may crack a joke, which may be well received or shrugged off. This sets the tone of our interaction.

Next comes the trying out and intense scrutiny as the seller enthusiastically brings out the item’s best qualities. Sema sauti ya kutoa nyoka pangoni! They really know how to convince you that’s it’s a perfect fit, or that the colour suits you to a T.  I don’t blame them. The struggle and hustle is real.

However, I need to know, like right now, which handbook do I peruse through each time I am about to go shopping especially on “Sunshine Boulevard?” coz once they mention the price, I am done. Like kwisha mimi!! My brain goes into the same state it was when it tried to solve algebraic or organic chemistry questions way back when in high school. Or when the cutest guy at your workplace walks by your desk, your eyes lock and he smiles. Kuf dead!!!

Ah…where was I? They mention the price and I am done. I kind of take an inconspicuous deep breath, do some mental calculations and make peace with the internal chaos that I’ve just introduced into my life. If I am really petrified at the thought of asking the seller to reduce the price, I usually do not recollect how the sale took place. I just keep walking and re-evaluate all my life choices that led me to such a time as this.

Yes!! All that from the mention of a numerical figure that was introduced as legal tender sijui na nani. Why on earth did we dump barter trade as a way to survive? Why do we need to wear different clothes every day? Can’t we just come up with an acceptable uniform that we can wear with pride without having to worry about the length, texture, latest fashion trends, etc?

To make matters worse, when it comes to how one dress’s up; you can’t escape scrutiny as a lady. Jaribu kuvalia the same dress every single day for a week, despite it being clean, sema drama.  The theories that spring up faster than corruption scandals will make you wish you were back in school sitting for the Composition paper. Your English teacher would brag about you being his/her best student. If wishes were horses…

Therefore, my question still remains; did I miss a class on the art of bargaining?


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